How does one resign? I’m not talking
about the physical and administrative part of it. I’m talking about how one deals with all the
emotions, uncertainty, angst and questioning that turns your stomach into one
big ball of….well, I’m not quite sure what of…what I do know is that it’s not a
very settling feeling.
Today I resigned my position and it has been one of the toughest
decisions I’ve ever had to make in my life.
The last 2 weeks have been a complete whirlwind of negotiations, meetings,
guilt, elation and much more praying than usual.
I’ve decided to write this entry to calm myself. I have a paper due in a week and yes, I’ve
procrastinated a bit, but now is not the time for unsettling feelings on the
tummy.
So, I’ll start with yesterday – the day after all negotiations were
done, the day all questions needed to be answered, the day I finally signed the
offer of employment. WOW! Yes – it was a tight fit…but to be honest, I
don’t think having more time would have made the process easier. In fact, I think it would have made it
worse. Not dragging out the feeling on
your tummy – that is for sure STEP ONE.
It’s a tricky business wanting to share your concerns with people who
could possibly give you great insight.
They either work with you (and you wouldn’t want to share this type of
info with too many people in your current surroundings) or they would be able
to give you emotional advice, but not really that needed career advice. So choosing the people you share the entire
process with is crucial – STEP TWO.
I decided to choose 3 people to help me make the decision. One was not too long ago in a similar
position, another I see as a bit of a mentor and another for emotional
support. All three however, work in my
industry and that for sure makes it easier to voice concerns with.
So, as the time came closer to send the signed document to the director
of my future place of employment, that unsettling feeling crept up on me
again. Messages were sent, texts were
exchanged and phone calls were made. My
network pulled through for me and once the document was in my sent items….the
feeling disappeared.
Off I went home with a calm feeling thinking that all was done and
dusted with the angst.
BOOM! I’m not sure what a panic
attack feels like, but I’m pretty sure I had one last night. Pounding heart, difficulty breathing, a
feeling of impending doom. Yep, all of
the above…at once! Am I making a
mistake, will I be able to do this, am I doing the right thing, am I fooling
myself….all those questions that make you doubt yourself, throwing you off
balance. STEP THREE - Do not underestimate the emotional process.
So I called the one person, who is close to me, but who can be
objective, rational and to the point. My
sister. Candy – Thank You! There were tears, there was laughter and
finally calm.
This morning, I walked into the office relaxed and happy. Handed my letter of resignation to my manager
and guess what, the feeling in my tummy was still gone. The day was great, gym did me good and some
sushi was perfect.
But as I parked in front of my apartment tonight, that niggling feeling
in my tummy crept back. A tinge of “Did
I do the right thing”. For now, I’ll
breathe into that feeling, trusting in the fact that my decision was not taken
frivolously. So this brings me to STEP
FOUR - be kind to yourself, trust your own judgement and remind yourself of the
reasons for your choices made.
Let me get cracking!
Till next time
X
